10 Quotes To Live By From 'The Alchemist'

After having everyone and their mom tell me that I should read "The Alchemist," I finally got around to it. Let me just say, I can't believe it's taken me almost 29 years to read this fantastic book, and it truly spoke to my soul. Paulo Coelho truly speaks to your soul, and reminds you of the dreams you dreamt as a child. He pushes you to ask why you haven't looked to fulfill them, and inspires you to dream again.

 If you haven't read it, than I highly recommend reading it asap. It's beyond charming, insightful, and a super quick read.

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I found myself being reminded of things I preach, and had to make a note of the 10 quotes that really hit home for me. 

I hope you feel inspired by these magical words, and remember that if you aren't living your dream then you aren't really living.

Here they are:

1. “But, as time passes a mysterious force begins to convince (people) that (living you dreams) will be impossible. This mysterious force appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your Personal Legend. It prepares your spirit and your will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth.”

2. “If I could, I’d write a whole encyclopedia about the words luck and coincidence. It’s with those words that the universal language is written.”

3. “It’s not what enters men’s mouths that’s evil. It’s what comes out of their mouths that is.”

4. “The wise man understood that this natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise. The existence of the world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect. God created the world so that, through its visible objects, men could understand his spiritual teachings and the marvels of his wisdom. That’s what I mean by action.”

5. “You’ll never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you’ll never have to fear an unanticipated blow.”

6 “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second f the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

7. “I have inside of me the winds, the deserts, the oceans, the stars, and everything created in the universe. We were all made by the same hand, and we have the same soul.”

8. “Love is the force that transforms and improves the Soul of the World…It is we who nourish the Soul of the World, and the world we live in will be either better or worse. And that’s where the power of love comes in. Because when we love, we always strive to become better than we are.”

9 “‘But this payment goes well beyond my generosity,’ the monk responded. Don’t say that again. Life might be listening, and give you less the next time.”

10. “No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn’t know it.”

May you find you be reminded of your Personal Legend that you were so sure of as a child, and feel free to chase it wherever it may take you. 

Check out my kit of mindful books here: MINDFUL READING

An Open Thank You Letter To Milo Yiannopoulos

Dear Milo,

I want to start this letter out by saying thank you. 

Thank you for reminding me why I do what I do. Thank you for reminding me that even when I get tired, exhausted, and feel like there’s no point in writing another piece because I may never meet the people that they positively affect, I know I have to.

People like you are why so many of us live in fear, and why the LGBTQ community constantly has to fight uphill.

You don’t represent us, and you don’t have any right to claim you’re a member of this accepting community.

You think it’s cute, charming, and funny to attack pretty much anyone, but it’s not. You thought you could ride this train all the way to the bank, and while you’ve made more money than I believe you should’ve, it’s clear you’re going down quickly.

I hope you’ve been saving because your fifteen minutes are about to expire.

You’re a troll, and trolls eventually have to go back under the bridge from which they came because the ugliness that you spew will not be accepted, tolerated, or given a platform. 

More and more companies are not willing to make a quick buck, and as we continue to protest hateful speech and actions, more companies will have to follow suit. The majority of people around the world have spoken, and you’re old news.

To be honest, I kind of hate that I even took time out of my day to write this letter, but I feel this needs to be said on behalf of all the people you’ve offended and deeply hurt in so many ways.

Your words and actions have consequences, and you are finally reaping what you’ve sowed.

The frustrating part behind your whole shtick is that I don’t even believe, you believe most of the ignorant garbage you spew. If you do, then I feel even more badly for you.

It’s hard to watch someone like you rise to notoriety quickly because you don’t deserve to be a household name, but you found the easy formula to make a quick buck, get your fifteen minutes, and have what I call the “quick explosion.” 

The thing about the “quick explosion” is that it never lasts, you weren’t thoughtful, mindful, and dedicated to lifting people up, which comes with a slow burn. Slow burns take time, care, and require a lot of saying no to opportunities that aren’t right, but you wouldn’t understand that. A slow burn means you’ve made a positive impact, people respect you, and want to continue to see you succeed. A slow burn has lasting power, and you’re on your way out.

You’re a puppet, a cheap form of entertainment, and a phony. You saw an easy in as the token Breitbart gay, and that is how we will remember you. A sellout. 

As I sit and right this piece, you’ve already been banned from Twitter, had one of your books canceled, and you’ve resigned from Breitbart, which I’m sure you’re going to try and turn into a victimized story to make another quick buck. We’re not having it, we don’t care about your career, and more and more people will start to forget who you are.

You’ve made your bed, you’ve showed the world who you really are, and we will accept you as the person you’ve wanted to be known as. 

If you’re as smart and manipulative as I think you are, than you have a chance to now use your platform to champion for the very people you fought against. I don’t think many people will accept a quick change of heart from you, so now you have the opportunity to start rebuilding. If I may be candid, it might be best for you to disappear from the public eye for a while because no matter how you try and spin this your actions will not feel sincere.

It’s people like you who truly test the person I claim to be because it’s really hard to sit here, and try to end this on a kind and positive note. However, if I can continue to be a positive example for others then I have to say, I still wish you well. I hope you take time to reflect on the really poor choices you’ve made, and understand that you are unconscious, and you need to wake up quickly.

You’ve helped pushed an extremely dangerous agenda with very serious ramifications, and you can’t just walk away from this. You’e been a talking head for very ignorant, backwards thinking, and delusional politicians because you had dollar signs in your eyes. I truly hope you find the light one day, and try to make an amends for all you have done, but I hope it’s done behind the scenes where we don’t have to look at you.

Cheap tricks are cheap tricks, and while I will continue to try and love everyone, I don’t have to like you.

I want to say thank you again for reminding me of who I don’t want to be, and being an example for so many impressionable minds of what not to do. I hope more people come out of the metaphorical closet because of you to show what real gay men look like. 

And as a final sentiment, I’m grateful for you because you’ve reignited my passion to champion for those who don’t have a public voice, and can’t say what needs to be said to lost souls like you.

I think I can confidently say this on behalf of a lot of people, “Good grief. It’s about time you got what you had coming to you. And one last thing, Honey, I can recommend some really good hairstylists because yours has jacked you up.” Now may you rest in peace wherever it is you end up, and find the soul that I know is hidden somewhere deep inside of you.

Thank You Again,

Barrett

P.S. Take a look at the picture above, that guy to the right of me, Mr. Vice President Biden, is what a real leader, and LGBTQ ally looks like. He is the reason why us gays can get married. You should think about thanking him sometime soon.

10 Reasons Why Gay Dating Is Really Hard

Dating is difficult in general, but gay dating is even harder.

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Being gay adds another level of complexity to the dating process, and because we’re all men, we make this process of looking for a mate all the more difficult. Our walls are high, our hearts are guarded, and we’re still all figuring out exactly what we’re looking for because for many of us, we didn’t see what we’re trying to create growing up.

As someone who longs for love, I’ve tried to really analyze what it is that makes dating as gay men more complex, and this is what my personal history has concluded.

1. We’re all sex monsters.

We are first and foremost men, which means most of our libidos run high, but then add to the equation the fact that we’re dating other men, and bam. I don’t care who you are, or how you identify yourself (Bear, Twink, Jock, Daddy, etc), we’re all constantly horny. It literally is scientifically driven due to the fact that we have testosterone pumping through our bodies. 

Add to the fact that our culture is obsessed with imagery and sex, and it becomes almost impossible to escape thoughts of sex. Even if you’re able to find yourself not so wound up, there’s a good chance your gym, your job, your night out, or whatever is going to make you want to do what men are programmed to do, and spill your seed. 

As gay men the testosterone levels are doubled in the dating world, and we are constantly playing with fire as we try to think with our brains and not our dicks. 

2. Sex is easy.

Going one step deeper into the conversation about gay men and sex, we have to acknowledge how easy it is to find sex. 

With “dating” app culture running amok, gay men by far have the easiest outlets to look for sex. Add to the fact that when we go to gay bars, almost everyone in that room is a possible partner in some way, and our chances are doubled. This isn’t the case for our straight counterparts.

Additionally, many of us grew up insecure and full of shame, so part of coming out is feeling sexually liberated. However, we often mistake the ease and casualness of the sex we can, and do have, as something other than what it really is. We’re looking to fulfill a void within ourselves with a physical pleasure that does in fact feel good, but often doesn’t lead to the substance we crave in a juxtapositional way.

Sex is great, but sex with substance is harder and harder to come by the more casual we are about this physical act.

3. We say we want one thing, but really want another.

Continuing the conversation from the last point, we often are beyond indecisive about what it is that we really want.

Being gay is confusing. There’s no right or wrong way to be gay. However, we have to find out what we want on our own because we don’t grow up in a predominantly gay world. Once we break the norm, and find comfortability within our own sexuality, everything else is up for debate. 

Who do we want to be? Who do we want to date? Do we want to get married? Do we want kids? Do we want to be monogamous?  

All the “normal” expectations of our straight counterparts are a lot less expected, and we find ourselves craving the single life one day, and looking for the love of our life the next. Who, if we do meet, we most likely end up sleeping with, and confusing the relationship further. Revert back to points 1 and 2.

It’s a vicious cycle, and truly causes so many dating problems. Thus it’s beyond difficult to meet someone we’re attracted to in every way, and keep our pants on. It’s totally possible, but the thought always is, “why would we?” 

4. We have very deep scars.

As gay men we grow up hiding parts of ourselves because gay still is considered different, and in a lot of places, bad. 

We feel like we have to hide a part of ourselves everyday for many formative years, which means we are neglecting other parts of ourselves that should be receiving precious energy. So when we finally do come out, we often confuse this as dealing with our issues, when in fact, this is just the beginning to dealing with what our issues really are.

It’s beyond hard to be vulnerable with someone else, especially when so many of us are uncomfortable with being vulnerable with ourselves. Admitting that life isn’t peaches and cream isn’t fun, but the less honest we are with ourselves, the more guarded we become, and the more we keep our walls up.

Our insecurity is beyond high from all the shame we felt growing up, and even after we’ve dealt with it, it feels all too real when we are hurt again in the dating process.

5. We go through a second adolescence.

Because we held back from being authentically ourselves for most of our adolescence and the beginning of our adult lives, we get a chance to do it all over when we come out. We get to test new waters, try new things, and explore a whole new world full of men, sex, drugs, alcohol, and it’s dangerous. 

When we partake in all of these new things, we’re at an age when we have disposable incomes. We aren’t being monitored by our parents, and we have the world at our fingertips. The cherry on top of all of this, is that this usually happens in a big city, or at least some place bigger than the hometown we grew up in, where excess is welcomed.

It’s very easy to get sucked into all the fun, excess, and fabulousness that this new stage offers. The question is, when is enough enough? It’s an age old tale that too many men get sucked into this world, and never come out. This is also why it’s known as the “Peter Pan Syndrome” unofficially. 

6. We have unrealistic expectations.

Gay men are beyond picky, and we feel like we can be because with social media the pool of possibilities feels endless. We think that if one guy doesn’t work out than we can just kick him to the curb, and find ourselves an even better version of gentleman X.

We are men with egos, and we strive to be the best at everything we do because it was something we learned as closeted children. If we could be amazing at everything we did, we thought that maybe you wouldn’t be able to tell what was different about us. However, this tends to lead to us having crazy expectations for ourselves, and therefore our mates as well. 

Everyone is supposed to look like a model, have an Adonis body, be super successful, like everything we like, and fit the molds we've created that no one can ever actually live up to.

We all expect to have perfect tens for partners even if we aren’t a ten, which no one is, and the quest for this mythical creature ruins our ability to see how amazing the man in front of us truly is.

7. Timing is everything.

If we are lucky enough to find this mythical ten than it’s usually because he was just recently set free from his last relationship. Men like this aren’t single for long.

While this sounds great, it usually means that he’s going to be feeling insecure, and needing to go through his own version of realizing how hard dating is again. 

Even if we’re ready to date, and we’ve found ourselves maturing past a lot of these points that doesn’t mean that Mr. Dreamboat is ready. His ego is hurt. He needs to rediscover himself, and prove that he is desirable to not only you, but many men, and unless you’re willing to feel a little hurt and wait, Mr. Dreamboat wasn’t the ten you thought he was.

Add to the fact that gays often date with the seasons, and half the year is either thought of as warm single, and often slutty season, or as a cold cuddling more relationship based time of the year. 

We forget that we are still animals, and like our furry friends, our bodies change with the tides and seasons in a very natural way. However, gay men are quick to use the seasons as an excuse to why we are "allowed" to behave in certain ways. 

8. There isn’t pressure to be coupled up.

As men we don’t have a ticking biological clock, so being single isn’t as frowned upon as in the straight world. The pressure to partner up isn’t as paramount, and we’re ok being a certain age and single. 

We aren't definitely going to have kids, which is why most heterosexual people start to couple up and settle down. And even today straight couples are waiting longer and longer to have children.

However, even when we do couple up, the way in which we operate as couples is quite different than straight couples. The concept of monogamy isn’t a given, and just because you want to be in a relationship in a certain way doesn’t mean your partner is going to want the same things long term.

Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship. We even joke that gay years are like dog years for relationships. 

And for better or worse, the second something starts to go sour, we have reminders that there are men everywhere. We don’t have a lot of the commitments locking us in to relationships like straight couples do, and our single friends without even realizing it exemplify the lives we could be living. 

Our social circles are full of these perpetual bachelors, who appear to enjoy their singledom, and constantly question why we are looking to settle down. We all have a friend or two, who claims to love being single, but through candid conversations it become apparent he isn't addressing his deeper wounds from past loves and life. These single gay friends come with their own baggage, and will often project that we too need to sow our wild oats.

Every where we turn, it almost feels like we have everything telling us not to commit. 

9. We are afraid of commitment.

Getting married wasn't an option for our community until very recently, so commitment from a legal standpoint was actually far from a lot of our minds. This in some subconscious way made us less serious when it came to dating. Now that we can get married more and more of us are starting to think longer term, and if something isn’t clicking we jump ship, and don’t even try to see if we can work things out.

It's easier to just keep reverting back to all the other points that making dating hard than it is to try and work on something with someone we thought we really liked. Dating is hard, being in a couple is hard, but it shouldn't be this hard, right? We let our minds drift, we make assumptions, and half the time we aren't even communicating how we are feeling with our partners. 

The fact that we also can’t stop looking for the next best thing doesn’t help, and only perpetuates the lack of commitment in the gay community.

10. Jealousy plagues our community. 

Yes, not all of us are jealous, or at least to an unhealthy point, but going back to issues of shame and insecurity that stem from our youth, we often have a hard time trusting that we are good enough. From this destructive flaw we then end up projecting our neuroses onto our partners, and find ourselves jealous for no reason.

Again, almost everywhere we go that is gaycentric is filled with men, who could be our lover, or take away our lover, and it’s stressful, plays tricks on our minds, and breeds a jealousy that can kill even the strongest of bonds. 

Even if we are lucky enough to find someone special and start dating, jealousy can creep within the relationship. Subconsciously or consciously we have levels of competition that exists between us and our partners because again, we’re both men, and on some levels compare ourselves against each other. 

Mix in a lack of communication, which as men we are more likely to be bad at, and it's a recipe for disaster. 

While it can feel like dating, and ultimately finding someone amazing is impossible in the gay world, we have to remain optimistic if we really do want to find someone. Now more than ever, strong committed gay couples exist in public spheres, which means there are examples of what we can have.

We need to stop perpetuating the idea that all the good ones are either taken, straight, or live far away. The language we use when talking about dating needs to be positive and upbeat, and we have to stop confusing proper courting with endless casual sex. We need to stop using every excuse in the book, and start working on ourselves because we aren't perfect either.

For every reason listed as to why gay dating is hard, there are even more reasons why we can claim that finding a partner feels impossible, but the truth is, we just have to keep working on ourselves, stay vulnerable, and allow our hearts to stay open even after we’ve experienced hurt and pain.

In a world where our options are open more than ever, we have to remember that the guy we follow on social media is someone we are romanticizing, and just because we think he acts a certain way doesn’t mean he will actually live up to the story we’ve created in our heads. For all the sexy singles out there that we follow, and would like to have sex with, only a few will ever come into our lives, and even then who knows if they’d even look at us the way we look at them.

We need to stop looking past the amazing men that are right in front of our faces, and start understanding that the sex part of a relationship will evolve. In the end, we'll ultimately be looking for a best friend, a companion to build a full life with, and maybe one day move away from all the craziness with.

It’s beyond difficult to meet someone we’re attracted to in every way, and if we do, we have to remember that no one is perfect. If we are lucky enough to meet someone with whom our souls connect in an effortless way, we need to water that relationship because it is rare. If we find someone that treats us well, is kind, and looks at us like we look at them than we’ve found someone special, regardless of all the rules. Relationships are hard work, and nothing comes easy, so keep your head up, and don’t stress if you haven’t found your partner quite yet.

Gay dating is really hard, but nothing worth having comes easy, so lead with love and positivity, and more than anything just be open to what could be.

Dear Straight White Dudes Who Support Trump

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What’s up? 

For dudes that were so loud, I feel like a lot of you have gotten really quiet, and I don’t even know where you all went? I feel like a lot of you recently have been feeling a little afraid. It’s not fun, right? 

I, and a lot of other people, know exactly how you’re feeling because, well, we have been afraid of you guys for a long time. I personally tried really hard to be a straight white dude. I even fought being authentically myself for like 20 years, but low and behold, I just never could fully play the part. Being ignorant, and mean for no reason didn’t really suit me. 

CRAZYYYYY, I know.

You see I can blend in with most of you when I’m just standing around. I’m also a white dude, just not straight, so unless I’m having sex with my partner in public, I assume most of the time I can blend somewhat in. I mean, I’m pretty gay after all, but you get the point.

What I’m trying to say is, why you tripping boo?

I’m not saying all of you are afraid of your masculinity being challenged by, well, basically anyone that isn’t a straight white dude. It’s not like it’s a super delicate flower or anything, but it feels like you’re kind of worried a lot about everyone else’s personal lives. 

Like why do you care so much that someone might be Muslim, that a dude might want to marry another dude, or that women want to have the rights to make decisions for their own bodies?

Do you think you should always have the right away, and be privileged based upon nothing specific?

Again, I’m not trying to say you’re feeling weird, but it feels like you feel weird.

Did you once have a weird thought about another guy? Does that woman wearing a hijab confuse you because you’ve never seen one? Do you think you’re entitled to do whatever you want with your boner because no one told you that no means no?

Look, I get it, you basically have been told you’re better than everyone else for your whole life, so when a black guy, a muslim girl, or a gay dude comes around you feel uncomfortable. Different is scary at first, and the fact that you’re so worried about everyone else’s lives would make you think we are really worried about yours, but we’re not.

We don’t want to take away your rights, the same way you’ve tried to suppress or taken away ours. We don’t want to convert your kids, we just want to make sure they’re educated, open-minded, and overall nice human beings. We want this planet that we all live on to be protected so you can also live here safely, and we think clean water is more important than making some rich white straight republican dude even richer.

I promise you money isn’t everything. Especially when you have no planet to live on.

Does this sound dramatic? It does kind of, but this is literally what millions of us around the world are worried about because of you guys.

Don’t get me wrong, I know it wasn’t just you bros, there was also the Trump Twats, the self-loathing blacks, gays, and any other minority that thought voting for Trump was a good idea that voted for him. However, you guys were the biggest turn out, and you guys are the ones that have grown up to now be the leaders of our country, so we kind of need to have a real chat.

Here’s the thing, you might think you’re totally open minded, and only voted for Trump because of one issue, but as you can see, you voted a monster into office because you wanted some reject frat bro to make you feel heard again, not great again because our country was actually thriving. 

Again, I know different is scary, but different doesn’t mean bad. Different is how we think beyond the confines of how we’ve always lived, and created amazing technologies, positive and progressive social movements, and made the world a better places for the next generation of kids, which include yours.

I know you’re worried about your guns, your kids, and your really special lives, but your guns aren’t more important than who I can marry. Your kids aren’t any more important than everyone else’s, and your lives are actually being hurt by criminalizing diversity.

I’ve been searching for you since the election because I feared we’d end up here, and now that we have, you’re really hard to find.

Don’t worry you’re not my type, that’s definitely not what this is about, but I would love to sit down and talk. I feel like if you came out of your bubble, and maybe saw what life was like in other parts of the country and world, you’d see how nice us snowflakes really are. 

We believe in equality for all, including you, and we think a hit of marijuana, legally of course, would take a lot of the edge off, but let’s be honest, we know you’re secretly smoking the stuff. We think all religions deserve to be practiced, although, personally I feel like they’re just tearing us apart. We believe that love is love, and what one person does in the privacy of their bedroom doesn’t affect anyone else, it’s been proven for years, and men and women are in fact equal. Race is just something that makes us beautifully colorful in a room, when everything is white it’s quite boring, think of like a hospital. Not so welcoming, right?

Anyways, what I’m really trying to say is, wake up! We, the diverse, educated, differing socio-economic, transgender loving, Muslim accepting, black lives matter believing, feminists, eco-friendly, gay friendly human beings of the world need you to join us in protecting our country, and ultimately the world. We want to keep America great, but make it even greater, and as you can see that’s just not happening.

So let’s be friends. Let’s hang out. Let’s talk, let’s do this quickly because time is of the essence, and you need to use your white heteronormative privilege now.   

We sincerely appreciate it!

And as always much love!

The new and ever changing faces of diverse America.

Why Gays Are Programmed To Gossip

And why this needs to stop.

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If you’ve ever been around a bunch of gays at a party, a bar, or wherever then you’ve probably been a gossip, or gossiped about, and unfortunately this has become all too common.

How many times are you with a group of gays, and everyone is just having fun, then someone throws some shade, and before you know it, you’re all bashing someone you really don’t know that much about?

It’s a slippery slope.

I know I was a huge gossip in my elementary and high school years because I was gossiped about. I was the gay kid at school before I identified with being that person, and I didn’t like the negative attention I was receiving, so I tried to deflect this attention and gossiped about other people.

Unfortunately for many of us gays, we go through a second adolescence when we come out, which usually means moving to a bigger town or city, and submersing ourselves around other gays. I know I’ve felt like I was back in high school many times when I first moved to a new city, and being back in high school meant there was new people to gossip about.

Thus, the gossiping starts all over again. 

I know personally this would happen a lot when I first started hanging out with different groups of gays whenever I moved to a new city. The guys I would meet would talk shit, and I thought in order to fit in I also needed to have an opinion about everyone, but then I realized we were all talking about these other men because we didn’t want to talk about ourselves.

We were unhappy with our lives, and we didn’t want to admit it, so it was a lot easier to manipulate our jealousy into nasty comments about guys we barely knew.

After all we felt like we knew these different guys because someone we knew once slept with so-and-so, or we met dude X at a party once, and he was “a total dick.”

This idea of “knowing” someone is heightened in today’s social media obsessed world, and as gay men, it often feels like an even smaller world. Many of us live in gay bubbles, and through almost one degree of separation, we all “know” each other on some level. However, it’s really easy to forget that we don’t really know these guys, we just think we do.

We live in a culture that is hyper-sexualized, drug and alcohol filled, and image obsessed. Yes, this isn’t the case for everyone, and it’s not completely different than our straight counterparts’ world, but there is an extra level of complexity. We are different, and we are self-sabotaging ourselves with these unhealthy devices into thinking that we are happy, when we are in fact not dealing with bigger issues that sit deep within us.

We think that when we come out of the closet, we are freeing ourselves of all our problems, but the truth is, this is just the beginning to dealing with all of our baggage. It’s within this concept that gossiping becomes an almost programmed feature into our gay lives.

For many of us, we were the kid that was gossiped about. We were the person that wasn’t good enough, didn’t fit in, and was straight up uncool, and it hurt. So when we finally move to a big city, and find our gaggle of gays, it feels good to be accepted, and even more so desired.

We quickly forget what it felt like to be the outsider, and again it feels good. We were an outcast if not to our peers than in many ways to ourselves. Who would want to go back to that feeling?

Our egos are delicate, and our level of competition is often off the charts because we aren’t only men, we’re men competing for other men. Everyone becomes a possible lover, or someone to take away our lover. It can be beyond challenging to find our own inner confidence in this new world that we’re all figuring out, so we often look to outside validation, and building ourselves up at the cost of someone else.

However, as we continue neglecting the conversations that we need to have with ourselves, we often find ourselves even unhappier than before. We need to start gossiping about ourselves with ourselves.

As gay men, we’ve all dealt with differing levels of shame, and felt the need to cover up what makes us different. In doing so, we often project onto others what we don’t like about ourselves, and it’s doing us a great disservice.  

We need to stop being afraid to talk about ourselves, our problems, our feelings, our internal conflicts. We need to stop gossiping about others, and start talking about ourselves. This doesn’t mean we should all become crazed narcissist, but what it does mean is we need to start being honest.

Remember we talk about others when we don’t want to be talking about ourselves, and when life is good, you want to see other people happy and doing well. When you’re happy with your life, you want to talk about it, and inspire others to make positive changes as well.

Now more than ever, we need to build each other up, not tear each other down. So I challenge all of us to take a step back the next time we want to talk about someone else, and think is this a positive or negative thing that I’m about to say, and why do I want to say it?

When we finally get rid of the gossip, we start talking about what’s important, and that is a beautiful thing to be a part of.

25 Minute Full Body Workout

A new fitness challenge is here for you! 

The Challenge:

• 1 minute hard MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS X 30 seconds rest X 3 Times
• 1 minute explosive SQUATS X 30 seconds rest X 3 Times. 
• 2.5 minutes fast JUMPING JACKS X 30 seconds rest. 
• 1 minute HAMMER CURLS X 30 seconds rest X 2 Times
• 30 seconds fast HIGH KNEES X 30 seconds rest X 3 Times
• 30 seconds DIAMOND or REGULAR PUSH UPS X 30 seconds rest X 3 Times
• 2 minutes AB ROWS X 1 minute rest X 2 Times

GOOD LUCK!

Day 29: Marry Yourself

I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out.

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This is the final step in completely honoring and loving ourselves.

For the past month we’ve challenged ourselves to grow, evolve, and change for the better.

We’ve had honest conversations with ourselves, pushed ourselves to try new things, and to take a really long look in the mirror. We did this because we knew it was time to get out of our own way, and finally live our lives as honestly and authentically as possible.

Today we take the ultimate vow.

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CHALLENGE:

I want you to symbolically, physically, and spiritually marry yourself. 

Buy yourself a ring, a bracelet, a necklace, get a tattoo, or whatever else works for you, and pledge to love yourself in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and for better or for worse.

I created the Heart Happy Bracelet a year ago, so that more people could do this. To make the bracelet even more meaningful a portion of the proceeds go towards two important charities. Feel free to check it out here, but remember this doesn't have to be what you use to fulfill this highly important challenge.

Heart Happy Bracelet

Just make sure you do this today!

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EXAMPLE:

Over two years ago, after I ended a relationship, I realized I was looking fore someone else to fill a void in my life that only I could fill. Three days later I came across a small ring that I loved, and it just clicked that I needed to marry myself. I vowed on that day to take care of myself, to love myself, and be the man I wanted to marry, so that one day I could find my equal.

It’s a promise that has been challenged over the years, but one that I always come back to, and has helped me make some hard decisions. 

Remember if we don’t love ourselves, why should anyone else? This isn’t about being self-obsessed, this is about having the confidence to know what we deserve, and it’s time we started treating ourselves the way we would want others to treat us.

It's scary to completely love yourself in a world that doesn't want you to, be fearless!

You’re incredible, and worthy of all the love and happiness in the world, and if you don't believe that yet, you need to start today.

I hope that over the past 29 days you’ve fallen in love with yourself the way we all should.

Be brave, be bold, and never feel badly about loving yourself.

Day 20: Speak Out

For what you believe in.

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As we mark a turning point in world culture and politics, it's more important than ever to use your voice.

We no longer can assume that everyone has each other's best interests in mind, and it's our duty to work as hard as we can for positive and progressive change.

We must remember to listen to people's differing ideas, so that we can actively understand their perspective. We have to be willing to hear things we may not agree with. We have to approach others with compassion and kindness, but also with grit and questions.

Ultimately we must stand up for what we believe in. Especially if what we're fighting for is the greater good of all people, and our earth.

Today of all days this is more important than ever.

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CHALLENGE:

Today, tomorrow, and for the rest of your life, I challenge you to say in as many ways as possible what you believe in.

Use your voice, your presence, your writing, and whatever else you want to use, to show the world, and your circle what you stand for and against.

We must all take a stand.

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EXAMPLE:

• Write a Facebook status saying what you believe in, and hope to see over the next couple of years.
• Attend a protest that is aligned with your thinking, and peacefully leave your mark.
• Attend a peaceful rally in your town or city that stands for what you stand for.
• Get involved in your local politics, and be a part of real change.

Whatever you decide to do, do it whole-heartedly with compassion, and humanity in your heart.

Remember that we are more powerful when we work together, and have each other's best interests in mind.

There truly is no winners and losers. In life it's either we all win, or we all lose. This goes beyond the idea of money and power, and ultimately references the world's resources, collective consciousness, and greater survival.

We've seen the facts, and know that we're at a tipping point. We need to view each other as brothers and sisters, not enemies.

We must live in the present, and deal with the cards we've been dealt. This doesn't mean we have to sit idly by, and let the world self-destruct.

We've got this. It won't be easy, but remember nothing worth having ever comes easy.

Stand tall. Stand proud. Stand with love.

4 Quick Tricks To Make Eating Healthy Easier

I constantly hear from clients and friends that eating healthy is just too hard. Excuses like time, money, and know-how plague endless conversations. While these excuses are legitimate, I don’t think they’re worthy of all the weight that people put on them.

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Here are 4 easy ways to make eating healthy much easier.

1. The biggest tip that I try to stress when doing anything is convince and ease. When something is easy to do, we’re all way more likely to do it. 

Thus, I highly suggest not necessarily doing meal preps, but at least doing ingredient preps. I’ve found that when I have a bunch of ingredients, and I cut, dice, and prepare them to be easier to cook with, I often end up eating way healthier.

This takes less time then meal preps, and is a great way to grab and cook, rather than just grab and go.

Things like red peppers and cucumbers can be a grab and go snack on their own, or made a little more flavorful with something like humus or balsamic vinegar. Keep spinach or kale on hand in your fridge, and a salad will literally take no time at all if you have already prepared all the other ingredients.

2. Another easy trick to eating healthy is to recycle takeout containers. 

This not only helps with reducing waste, but also helps measure things out easily. Half a quart, which is a small for something like soup from a Chinese restaurant, is the equivalent to 2 cups. A quart, which is a large at most take out places, is the equivalent to 4 cups. Thus if you use half of either of these things, you end up with 1 or 2 cups of ingredients. Easy to measure, easy to cook, easy to eat. 

3. Freezing things like fresh bananas and berries is another way to keep your ingredients healthier and ready to grab. 

Additionally, you’ll be able to buy more of these ingredient, which makes them more readily available to you when it comes time to make yourself something to eat. You’ll also be able to cut out the need for things like ice, when making a protein shake. Sure, it’s not the biggest time or ingredient saver, but how many times is your ice tray empty or nonexistent?

4. Lastly, high protein foods that don’t spoil super quickly are a great way to keep your body healthy, and reduce waste of money and food.

Hard boiled organic eggs are something that can sit for a slightly longer time in your fridge then meat, fish, and veggies. They deliver a huge source of protein, are incredibly easy to make while prepping your other ingredients, and are a guilt-free snack or meal. I also totally recommend tofu sausages. They’re super easy to cook with, taste surprisingly delicious, and can be added to things like pasta, eggs, or rice for a more protein packed healthy meal.

Remember small tiny changes will ultimately lead to big wins, and that’s what this is all about. Healthy living isn’t about dieting and completely cutting things out, it’s about moderation and making it an actual lifestyle, not a quick fix.

You’ve got the tools, now use them. Happy eating everybody!

The Perfect Holiday Gift For Any Man + Giveaway

With the holidays literally right around the corner, I know that many of you are having a hard time finding the perfect premium, but cost-efficient gift for the guys in your life. Well, have no fear, Barrett’s here with the perfect gift idea!

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Thus, I present to you the CONAIR Men's Super I-Stubble Trimmer. It’s the latest must-have tool when it comes to facial hair grooming. Men’s grooming has really taken off over the last few years, and I must say I’m super proud of all the men for stepping up their style game. 

It’s been a long overdue occurrence in my opinion.

As someone that prefers to have some facial hair, I can say that I’ve tried a lot of different grooming tools, and this one takes the cake. CONAIR has hit a total home run with their latest creation. It’s powered by lithium-ion technology, so it’s precision performance isn’t only reliable and cordless, but also works amazing at lower charge levels. 

Beyond changing the battery life game, the CONAIR Men's Super I-Stubble Trimmer has a hi-tech blue LED screen that shows the percentage of charge remaining. I can’t tell you how often I’ve been cut short while trimming my beard because my old trimmer would just die out of nowhere.  Not knowing how much battery life is left is now a thing of the past, so let’s keep it that way. You don’t want to be stuck walking around all day with a half trimmed beard because you were rushing, and your trimmer died. Trust me on this one.

Advanced blade technology, a rapid charging system, and being 100% water resistant package this bad boy up to be a true must have, and at around $79.99 on Amazon it’s an investment piece that won’t break the bank. 

Help the guys in your life put their best face forward, and surprise them with the perfect holiday gift from CONAIR. Whether it’s to keep a tight 5 o’clock shadow, or just maintain a tighter fuller beard, the CONAIR Men's Super I-Stubble Trimmer has got your guys covered, and will keep them looking fresh when it counts most.

For your chance to win this CONAIR Men's Super I-Stubble Trimmer like this photo and tag your best friend. Winner will be randomly selected.

If you want to grab one right away head over now to amazon.com, or click here: CONAIR Men's Super I-Stubble Trimmer to grab one just in time for the holidays.

It's fun to spread holiday cheer, and give a gift that is actually useful. Happy holidays everyone!

Gay Shame, Internal Homophobia, and the Need to Redefine Masculinity

M is for masculinity.

As I’ve been watching, reading, and observing all different videos and articles about gay culture, one theme has really hit a cord with me, and it’s the idea of masculinity that plagues our community.

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For a long time it was seen as desirable to be as “masculine” as possible, so that one could “pass.” The idea of passing as a straight man was widely considered to be a beneficial thing because it allowed you to be looked as “normal,” and not experience the discrimination and bullying that comes when one doesn’t “pass.”

However, while there are many problems with this notion from the very beginning, I understand why historically many men just wanted to get by. With that said, I find it incredibly disheartening to watch so many men today, especially on dating apps, be overtly discriminatory within the very community that they belong to.

I never passed, so I know the true hardships that come from standing out. I was gay to others before I even knew I was gay, and it wasn’t a friendly welcoming experience from those others, so I get it.

The idea that being more or hyper masculine equates to something more enticing for a large portion of our community speaks to a greater insecurity, and an internal-homophobia that still exists in a large way. As Alan Down explains in The Velvet Rage, “when we were denying that we were gay, we acted as if we were straight. ‘Acting as if’ meant that we had to split our lives into two parts: One part was the acceptable, public self. The other part was the secretive, darker self.” The idea of “splitting” is an especially damaging occurrence because as we grow older, and even after we come out as gay, we “continue to split off unacceptable parts of ourselves.”

Thus, anything that may feel like it isn’t masculine or heteronormative becomes something that many gay men still fear, and why there still is a huge divide within the gay community. Things like race, gender norms, ageism, body types, socioeconomic status, and a multitude of other things create a huge divide amongst a large group of men, who are all gay.

Yes, just because you’re gay doesn’t mean that you have to prescribe to a set way of being. In fact, I think that is part of the beauty in being gay. We get to challenge what's normal to be uniquely ourselves; however, when we start to divide ourselves into some sort of hierarchy based off of what is deemed more acceptable as men, a larger problem exists.

I think it’s incredibly important to further this conversation by looking at the definition of the word masculine. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines masculine as, “having qualities appropriate to or usually associated with a man.” 

Where in this definition does it say anything about deep voices, super worked out bodies, and specific styles of grooming and dress? No where.

Society has created an idea of what masculinity is supposed to be in order to put binary restrictions onto not just men, but also what women are supposed to be in comparison. Our consumer culture has further perpetuated this for hundreds of years in order for things to be neat and tidy, and sell us male targeted merchandise. Well, the world isn’t so neat and tidy, and as we’ve seen nothing has imploded yet.

To take this one step further, men, while being masculine, have been taught to be less expressive, less sensitive, and to hide their feelings. What this has to lead to is a large group of men that are mentally unhealthy, and unable to open up when they truly need to, gay and straight. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention states that “men die by suicide 3.5 times more often than women,” which is heavily related to not taking care of one’s own mental health.

As men we’re taught to keep our bodies strong, but not our minds strong. We need to have a real discussion of how detrimental this truly is, and let it become a common practice for men, and women, to know that it’s beyond important to open up and share how you’re feeling.   

Furthermore, I think more gay men need to realize that coming out isn’t the answer to all your problems, it’s actually the very beginning to authentically addressing all the other real problems you carry in that expensive baggage that weighs so much. Let’s be serious, all the fabulous things in your life aren’t going to be able to overcompensate for the lack of self-love that sits on the very shallow surface. I know, I’ve been there.

The desire to pass in today’s world is still a very large complex for many gay men, but the thing is, whether you’re passing or not, you’re still a dude that likes dick, and that makes you gay. We need to start diversifying social cliques, interactions, and be more inclusive within our already discriminated against community.

I think we need to start defining masculinity, or what is thought of as more masculine, in terms of being a good human, being emotionally and mentally intelligent, and not being a tool. In my opinion a real man is someone who stands up for what they know to be the greater good, is accepting and loving to all people regardless of their differences, and doesn’t lead with their dick, but with their heart. 

As gay men we'll never fully pass because we aren’t straight. At the end of the day you may want to walk around in public like you’re some machismo dude who wants to sleep with every women, but the thing is, you still like dick. To be honest the more we acknowledge how amazing this difference makes all of us, the more likely we are to finally break down our own internal barriers, feelings of shame, notions of outdated masculinity, and start to see our community change for the better.

It’s time we let go of who we think we’re supposed to be based off of heteronormative ideals because those ideals don’t fit us, and if we're being completely truthful, those ideals don’t seem to be working out so well for our straight counterparts as well. Let’s show the world what real men look like, and finally let go of that excess baggage too many of us are carrying around.

Why You Must Rid Yourself Of Your Ego To Live Your Dreams

It’s sabotaging you. 

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That little voice inside of your head that says “You’re better than him; She’s not half as smart as you; It’s not your fault,” is the negative energy that will stunt your growth, and will be constantly looking to find other’s guilt. It’s the thing that will hold you back from finding love, your ultimate dreams, and the community that wants all of those things for you.

Yes, it’s a hard pill to swallow, but removing your ego gives you the power to control your life. It’s what allows YOU to finally take responsibility for YOUR actions, and remove the blame we often want to place upon others. Through this process you’ll be able to pin point your own character defects, which we all have, and commence the phase of your life that leads with love.

If you aren’t living a life that looks to create then you are, by contrast, living a life that destroys in some way. This life is one that leads from a place of hurt and pain. 

Neale Donald Walsch in Conversations with God, shows that “when you ‘c’ things correctly, you become Creative, rather than Reactive,” simply by moving where the letter c sits in those two words.

While it’s extremely uncomfortable to confront the internal pain that we hold, the longer we let it sit in the driver seat of our lives, the longer it controls us, not vice versa.

Our character defect is the thing that we often neglect because it’s a large part of how we identify ourselves. It’s usually the piece of us that plays the role of victim, and while you may not have had control over other peoples’ actions, you, right now, hold the power to say, “no more!”

You in this moment get to decide who’s driving your life. 

Remember by finally jumping into that driver’s seat, you aren’t neglecting, or getting rid of all the hurt and pain, you’re simply saying, “I’m in control. I see you, Pain. I’m even willing to let you come on this journey, and sit in the passenger seat, but don’t you dare act up, and don’t even think about touching the radio.

On a personal note, I know how hard it is to make this transition, especially when you feel neglected and hurt from people that you love: parents, extended family, romantic relationships, etc. However, those people don’t care how much you blame them. In fact, they probably blame you for many of the things you blame them for, so there’s really no winning.

There’s a famous quote that says, “Holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent-free in your mind,” and I don’t know about you, but it seems insane to let such prime real estate go for free. Holding a grudge has even been highly associated with a “history of heart attacks, high blood pressure, arthritis, back problems, headaches, chronic pain, and stomach ulcers” according to a study conducted at the Medical College of Georgia.

To take it one set further, how often do you hold yourself hostage inside of your own negative thoughts? We say things to ourselves that we would never dream of saying to our worst enemy. 

Why? 

Because we’re taught that to think highly of ourselves means we’re cocky, arrogant, or self-absorbed. It’s a tool that people, who are insecure and in positions of power, facilitate to manipulate us into thinking we aren’t good enough to question their authority, to question the system, to question everything. However, when you start to love yourself from a place that says, ‘I’m no better than any other, and we’re all equal,” you start to truly lead with love.

You need to stop coddling your weaknesses, and start claiming your strengths. For when you do, you no longer hold onto the predetermined story of who you think you are. 

How often do you say, “It’s just the way I am,” and use that as an excuse to perpetuate something that’s holding you back?

When you change the story of who you think you are, you start to change how others look at you, and ultimately begin to heal the part of yourself that feels that hurt and pain so deeply.

Marianne Williamson has said, “sad days aren’t bad days,” and it’s something that we need to hold close to our hearts and our brains, especially with the current political climate that we’re living in. We need to use these sad days as vehicles to learn, and set ourselves free from fear, and ultimately the internal dialogue that holds us back, our egos.  

When you know your strengths, and your weaknesses, you’re able to shift those weaknesses into strengths, and ultimately find your true power, which is to positively affect the world in some way.

Now more than ever we need an army of mindful warriors that uses love to ignite the change we need so badly.

Rid yourself of your ego, and find your greatest dreams finding you.

The Moment You Know Your Relationship Is Really Over

You tried everything.

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However, when something doesn’t work, it just doesn’t work, no matter how you try and spin it.

You know you tried to communicate your feelings, your wants, your needs. You even found someone to help mediate what was getting lost in translation, to try and make sense of what wasn’t making sense, but he just didn’t want to give you those things. He just didn’t want to meet you in the middle. He just didn’t want to meet you at all. 

You could argue with yourself that this was all in your head, but he actually said he was coming to meet you, and then he didn’t at all. A metaphor for your relationship, and a knife to the heart.

It wasn’t like you were asking for lavish things, or held unrealistic expectations. You were simply looking to build a life with your partner in a way that was evolving and progressing. In a way that said we’re growing together, not separately.  

You fell in love, and you tried your damnedest to show him how amazing it feels to fall, but he just didn’t want to fall with you. He was unable to find your silliness a place of comfort to be his silly self. 

You tried acting differently, and putting your needs and feelings aside. You tried speaking every love language you could think of, hoping that he would finally speak at all.

But all you got was uncomfortable stares, judgmental comments, and just enough when he knew it was almost too late.

You hit your breaking point, you broke your own heart, and so you needed to take a break. 

You tore yourself away from the person you became addicted to, and asked for some space, but even that was too much to ask for. It wasn’t on his terms, so your needs weren’t met, and you found your your heart conflicting with your brain.

You knew what had to be done because you had been here before. You knew you needed to finally say goodbye and mean it. You knew you had to hurt yourself by hurting him. You knew you needed to walk away from the love that made sense in your heart, but not in your brain.

You found the strength to utter the things you never wanted to utter through teary eyes and your crackling voice. You watched the future you had imagined disappear, and the dreams of building a family vanish into thin air.

Your heart hurts in the most profound way because you know there’s no going back. 

You tore a metaphorical limb off in coming to this get-wrenching, heart-breaking, soul-crushing decision. In getting to this point, you already had to lose the limb, and even though you can see it right there in front of your face, there’s no way to reattach it.

In the past, you had tried reattaching, and building it stronger, but there was no way to save the arm that was never actually there. 

You lost what felt like a part of yourself, and you know you’ll never feel this specific love again.

And just when you thought it couldn’t any worse, he finally said everything you had dreamt of hearing.

That he finally wanted what you wanted. That he finally wanted that dream you had scared him with. That he finally wanted to move forwards as a team.

The words he finally speaks hit you like bullets because you know they’re meant to kill. Family, babies, house on the beach, travel the world. One after the other you hear as you teeter between shock, frustration, and sadness. 

Your mind swirls with every emotion.

This combination of words that he shoots at you with the gun that is the lips you loved to kiss, break your already broken heart into an ever growing number of pieces. They haunt you just as you thought you’ve truly moved on, and rip the stitching that is your heart trying to mend itself back together.

There’s no mess to clean up, no public pictures to remove, and no big things to exchange because he was protecting himself from this part the whole time. It’s a clean break, or as clean as the situation would allow.

He told you he’d always be there, but a simple question was met with so much despair. An hour long conversation based around what he needed to say, left you without any answers, and once again reminded you he couldn’t give you what you needed.

A text later says the opposite of what he originally said because he needs to do whats best for him, so “goodbye for now,” he says to you. You then realize you weren’t doing what was best for you in moving on, and take pen to paper to get your thoughts out.

Then it happens. You find your relationship is actually dead. There’s no breath, not heartbeat, no chance of coming back. Any last sliver of hope is cut at the cord, and you know it’s one hundred percent done. 

A picture that says a thousand words confirms your instincts. It says, “I judged you because I wanted to take part in what I judged, but didn’t know how.” You wish you felt vindicated, just, or better for knowing you were right, but you’re only left feeling sad that he never felt comfortable enough to be honest with you and your heart.

A few moments later you catch him trying to sneak past you, and you know in that moment that your relationship is really over. It’s done for good. Over as if it had never started.

The feelings of sorrow, pain, and loss wave through your body like a tsunami crashing on an unchartered course. Distractions are plentiful, but never truly enough, so you do what you can, and sit with these feelings.

You remind yourself that while you lost a limb, you’re still alive and well. You focus on the good, and remember that now you have the chance to meet the person, who not only says he’s coming to see you, but actually shows up as well.

You remind yourself that you’re valiant and strong, and that being single doesn’t actually mean you’re alone. 

This truly is a new beginning. You wipe the tears from your eyes, journal through your crazy, and close your eyes knowing that you gave it your all.

You think love is fickle and fine, but the love that you share with yourself is the love that needs to stand the test of time. You remember to give yourself the hug you needed today, and that you’re one of the lucky ones who got to feel this way. The love you miss isn’t the love you needed, and while it may hurt in this moment, you hold the power to change this feeling.

Yes, it’s over, but thats ok. Now keep your head up, breathe, and just take it one step at a time. Don’t rush into anything, just gently find your feeling, and know it will all be ok.

P.S. You’re amazing.

5 Reasons Why It’s Hard To Go Home For The Holidays

For a lot of people going home for the holidays is exciting, and filled with nothing but cheer and good times. 

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However, for many of us, going home for the holidays, especially right now, is anything but easy and fun. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of those families that get together, and it’s just light, relaxing, and easy. It sounds incredible. 

It’s just not that way for many of us, and this is why.

1. We know more.

We all hear from our parents that we’ll understand when we’re older, and the thing is they’re right. 

We will understand more and more as we mature, but what so many parents have a hard time grasping, is that we’re adults now. Yes, we haven’t lived the same amount of technical years as them, but we have lived a lot of life up until this point. We’re more exposed to the world than they were. Many of us have higher levels of education than our parents, and we’ve seen some real shit on a global level already. 

Add to the fact that many of us live in cities that are diverse; we’re connected with people from around the world; and we’re extremely mindful of whats going on in terms of big business and politics, and you can’t argue that we just know more than a lot of our parents did at our age, or currently do.

It’s a hard pill to swallow for them, and a very humbling experience to comprehend that our parents are just regular people too.

2. We’ve created our own set of morals and beliefs.

What makes this even harder is that as we mature, we often find that our parents don’t hold the same values and ideas as us. 

We grew up with our parents setting the stage, guiding us through what we thought was right, wrong, and “normal.” We were essentially programed to follow our parents lead, and it makes sense, but as we grow into the people we want to be, we often find that our parents way of thinking, and doing things, doesn’t fully correlate to, or match our lifestyles.

Whether it’s our feelings when it comes to LGBT issues, women’s right, racism, or how we keep our home, and what we spend our money on, it’s mind-boggling how our parents, who we looked up to for so long, can feel like the most backwards thinking people.

It can make us feel crazy, and like we’re talking to a wall when it comes to things that aren’t light and fluffy. If you’re anything like me, it’s incredibly hard to just pretend like their isn’t a giant pink elephant in the room when it comes to important issues, and as hard as it is, we may just find that we don’t get along with certain family members.

When love is replaced with hate and contempt, going home isn't only beyond hard, it can be dangerous, and why we must start to reevaluate how we define the word family.

3. We want to help.

When we go to visit our families, we often see so many things that any sane human would declare unhealthy. The way they eat, fight, think, interact with one another, and the list goes on and on, but just because we see it, doesn’t mean they do. Our pure intentions to help them, and fix their broken system, can, and most likely will, come off as controlling and unhelpful.

This can be maddening, and drive the sanest person to feel insane. However, in order to preserve our own mental health, we must let the system continue to run as it is, until they’re ready to openly accept our help. This isn't easy, and can often leave us feeling depressed and helpless.

Through careful and subtle actions, we can inspire and help those family members, who may want to change. Remember even if it’s a small shift in how they operate, it’s still a step in the right direction.

It’s heartbreaking to watch things fall apart, but everyone must do things at their own pace, and learn from their own mistakes.

4. We realize some sad truths.

Maybe our childhood wasn’t as happy as we thought. Maybe we were lied to as a child. Maybe our parents thought they were keeping us safe, by keeping big issues out of our world. Maybe we realize that our parents aren't, who we thought they were at all, which is different than realizing our parents are people too. Whatever the case may be, we must take what we learn, process it, and move forwards. 

It’s important to know our history, so we don’t make the same mistakes, but to harp on the past will keep us only in the past. Yes, we’ve all had some shitty things happen to us, but not everything in our past is bad.

We must focus on the now, and continue to build our lives how we see fit for ourself, not how others see fit for us.

5. We don’t get to pick our blood family.

While this old saying may be true, it doesn’t mean we have to keep these people as our “family.” Just because a set of people is connected to us through blood, doesn’t always mean they deserve to have us in their lives. Yes, this may sound incredibly harsh, but for so many of us the torture and endless toxicity that surrounds us when it comes to our families, just isn’t worth maintaining a relationship. 

Many psychologists, friends, and random other people will argue that we’ll regret not spending time or communicating with these blood relatives, but as sad as it is, many of us have already, in some way, mourned the death of the people we once called our parents, or other family members.

I want to make it abundantly clear that I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who has physically lost their parents, or other family members, but want to explain how many of us, in every sense besides the physical, have already lost our parents, or other family members too. It may not physically be the same, but emotionally it hurts just as much.

The beauty in growing up is that we do get to meet people, who think like us, and that want to build us up, rather than bring us down. The words mother and father don’t always mean accepting, loving, kind, and welcoming. It’s important to not get stuck on language, and to set ourselves free from the guilt that we’ve been made to feel for wanting a better life for ourselves, and for them as well.

Mentors and friends can often show us a life we want to have one day, and respectfully guide us, offer advice, and comfort us when we're down. 

Ultimately, the decision is up to us, when it comes to the relationship we want to have with our families. 

Going home for the holidays can mean seeing our amazing brother and sister, and just enjoying our time with them. It can mean going to our friend’s home, and feeling welcomed into their world. It can mean taking ourself on a journey to a new place.

Whatever we decide to make “going home for the holidays” mean, we must remember that it’s our decision now, and we control our own life. We need to hike our own hike, and let others hike theirs, but we can't get stuck on what we’re supposed to do. For this holiday season, we should get stuck on what we'd like to do for our own mental health, positive energy flow, and time to feel at peace.

We may not get to pick who we're blood related to, but we do get to pick who we are, who we surround ourselves with, and how we treat others, and we have to remind ourselves that no one can take that away from us.

We've got this, and we'll continue to only lead with love because that is who we are.

Why You Must Come Out Of The Closet Now

It’s time you finally did it.

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And I don’t just mean if you're LGBT. I mean anyone, who has had a victimizing experience, and no longer feels safe in his own country. We no longer can afford the time to worry about how others are going to be affected, when millions of us are currently being dismissed.

I want every Jew, Muslim, LGBT person, racial minority, survivor of sexual assault, and anyone else who has felt as if they’ve had to hide part of themselves, to come out of the closet, and share their story! 

Before I go any further, let me make it abundantly clear that coming out of the closet in whatever way you may need to, (whether it’s LGBT, dealing with sexual abuse, feeling discriminated against, problems with your family, eating disorders, or anything else), doesn’t always mean you’ll be met with acceptance, safety, or love. You must be aware of this, especially right now.

Furthermore, if you’re seriously worried about any of these things, especially your safety, then I highly encourage you to seek professional help from amazing organizations like the Hetrick Martin Institute, the Ali Forney Center, the Trevor Project, the Human Rights Center, the NAACP, Planned Parenthood, ACLU, Southern Poverty Law Center, EarthJustice, The Young Center of Immigrant Children’s Rights, or many other organizations that you can find by googling whatever it is you may need assistance with.  

I know it’s scary, but too many people around us are clueless to how they’re affecting us, their loved ones. Even worse, maybe their not, but a reminder wouldn’t hurt.

We need to show, not only our country, but the world, how many people are truly being affected by what’s happening with the shift towards a White Supremacist Movement. You may have heard it defined as “alt-right,” but let’s call a spade a spade. This is simply a branding mechanism to hide the fact that our political system here in the US, is employing white supremacy.

This is not ok!

This is not what America stands for. This is not progressive, and it’s affecting majority of our country at this point, not a minority.

If you’re still not sure how your “coming-out” is going to help make change, let me share a bit of my story to explain further.

When I came out of the closet as a gay man, I remember being mortified because I had to challenge everything I had learned to be “normal.” I had to rethink the idea of sex, my body, having children, getting married, how people would act towards me, and basically everything else I could imagine. It was beyond scary.

Yet, something inside of me knew that I had to do it. 

My own aha moment came when I was living in LA, and pursuing a career in the entertainment industry. I was surrounded by gay men and women, but for some reason, I kept being told to stay in the closet, if I wanted to have a career. 

This was mind-boggling to me because it wasn’t a bunch of straight people telling me this, it was my gay manager, my gay agent, gay producers, and gay directors. I had finally come to terms with something I had been fighting for so long, yet these people, who were like me, wanted me to pretend to be something else. 

I’m sorry, WHAT?

That’s when I knew that my career in the entertainment world, or at least how I imagined it up until that point was over. I refused to be a part of something so twisted, and inauthentic. That’s just not who I am, and that’s not who I’ll ever be.

And this’s not who you are, and it’s not who you will ever be.

By hiding who we really are, we’re saying to ourselves, and the world, that we agree with the idea that we’re wrong for being ourselves. 

Maybe you’ve already “come out,” and maybe you’re really comfortable being yourself, but let’s not forget we can always take things one step further. Thus, I challenge you to share your story in the biggest way you can possibly think of.

When I finally decided to write my coming out letter to the world, and post it on my Facebook, and later have it published all over the internet, I finally felt like I took back the power that I had given to so many bullies, tormentors, and oppressors over the course of my life. I made it so I could never hide again. I no longer idly sat by, and let others tell me who I should be, or how I should feel, and that’s why you need to come out now. 

You need to take back your power from our future government officials, and their supporters, who areessentially trying to take your identity away from you. You need to stand up, and own your story. You no longer should feel victimized by an insane notion that because you aren’t a straight white male that you are less than.

Black lives do matter. Women should have the right to decide what happens to their bodies. Being transgender is part of a new normal. If you were ever sexually assaulted, remember it’s never your fault. If you identify as LGBT, it’s because you were born this way. Religion is a form of self-expression. Not everyone who lives in America, was born in America. 

This is what makes us great.

When you finally share whatever your deep dark secret is with others, I promise you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted, and it will inspire those around you to do the same. You may not realize it right away, but you will have ignited something in the arenas you live in. 

You’ll no longer feel trapped by the fact that someone is going to “find out” because you now own whatever it is that you’ve been scared to share with the world.

You must remember that you’re an influencer, no matter how big or small your audience is, you still have the power to positively shape how others think, and that is powerful.

Too many of us have hidden in a small dark closet for far too long. Now’s truly the time to set yourself free, and wear your identity proudly. Make others uncomfortable with your story because it reminds them that maybe the things they’ve been thinking, doing, sharing, preaching, or participating in, are in fact wrong. 

Lastly, when you do find the courage, strength, and gumption to be uniquely yourself, in a world that wants you to homogenize, know that there are truly millions of people ready to welcome you with open arms. 

The world is a good place, filled with amazing people, and you’re one of those people. Never forget that!

Now, all that’s left to do, is for you to tell your story, and remember, if it petrifies you than it means you’re meant to do it!  

10 Reasons Why I Refuse to Accept Donald Trump as My President

We reject the president elect!

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Since Tuesday, a day that the world will always remember, there has been a growing movement of people who refuse to accept the outcome of the election. This is largely due to the fact that it’s currently projected that Hillary Clinton will have won the popular vote by more than 1.7 million votes, which says something very important. Donald Trump isn’t a lot of peoples’ president.

Yes, we have the Electoral College for a reason, but here is the thing, it’s an old system in a new world.

Let me make it abundantly clear, I’m not being a sore loser. I’m fine being called a loser. For about 24 years I was bullied every day of my life, and I was called far worse things than loser. However, I refuse to sit idly by while other children, and now grown adults, will be subjected to, and already have been tormented for being the “other,” aka not a straight-white-male.

Sorry, been there, done that, and I refuse to let that happen to anyone else.

This isn't the America I want to live in, and this certainly isn’t the America that our forefathers fought to create.

Thus, I present to you 8 reasons why I refuse to accept Donald Trump as my president, and even more so, why a growing number of us are making this choice. 

1. Our democracy is already broken.

When having conversations with intelligent people, they challenge my desire to have the Electoral College cast their votes differently than how their states voted, by stating that this goes against our democracy. 

Well, here’s the thing, our democracy in the US is already broken. When a system can elect a president, and his cabinet, into a position of power that doesn’t stand to protect the rights of all the country’s citizens, we no longer live in a progressive democracy, and that is what the United States has always been, a progressive democracy. 

As if it couldn’t be even clearer, I will once again state this, Hillary Clinton won the popular vote.

Things are breaking daily, and in my opinion, we shouldn’t stop until we’ve hit out lowest point, which we haven’t hit yet. We need to hit rock bottom, so we can actually start building something new, rather than rebuilding on a permanently damaged foundation. 

You wouldn’t build a brand new house, on an old, out-dated, cracked foundation with a sleazy contractor, who’s probably just in it for the money, and going to do a patch job, would you? So why rebuild America that way?

2. The United States will see a divide regardless.

Continuing the conversation from the previous point, a lot of smart people highlight that by the Electoral College going against the way the states voted, an even bigger divide in the country will happen.

Wake up!

We’re already divided in a big way, the election has shown us that. This isn’t something new, and having Trump as our President will not change this because his presidency is set to marginalize a huge number of people. We're fighting to have someone in office, who won’t halt progress, and who will champion for ALL people, which brings me to point number 3.

3. We want EVERYONE’S lives to be better.

Dear straight-white-dudes, we don’t want to take your guns away, (I mean if I could, I would), or make you gay, or make you even like us, but if you get to keep your guns than I should 100% be allowed to marry the love of my life, women should be able to make decisions that affect their own bodies, and black people should feel as safe as you. The things that we're asking for, the things you had immediately guaranteed to you at birth, are simply the things we want too.

Furthermore, if we're able to take this election back, we'll still be kind to you, and make sure you have healthcare, are safe, and can marry your lady friends.

P.S. Your guns do have the potential to affect me in a big way, and to claim that my lifestyle affects yours in anyway, is like blaming me for why the sky is blue. It just doesn’t connect.

4. I refuse to let my life be dictated by FEAR.

A lot of people are scared. You know what I have to say about that, “Good!” 

This means you care.

The media, and a lot of people, want to play on this tactic of fear, when arguing about what could happen if we're to actually get Hillary into office instead of Trump. The initial response to this idea is that many Trump supporters would go crazy, and I think we can all say that based off of the Trump rallies, this is a very educated hypothesis. 

But what so many people don’t seem to realize, is that for millions of Americans there’s already a huge fear of living authentically as themselves, in their own country, state, city, etc because we’ve already felt fear coming from the other side, and a lot of the time, it's in the form of hate. 

Fear is what stops us from trying something new, which is what this country needs. 

Hate won’t make anything, but more hate. However, I refuse to sit with the bully, till he has at least proven himself changed, and taken accountability for what he has sparked. Trump hasn’t told his supporters to be accepting, to be gracious, and to stop promoting the hate he influenced. Instead he’s tweeted, “This isn’t fair.”

Please.

We all know that if Hillary had won, Trump would’ve been condoning the type of protests that are currently happening in favor of Hillary, but the difference is, the protests would’ve probably looked a lot more like Trump’s violent and scary rallies. 

Yes, we're out in the streets being loud, but we’re also being peaceful because our voices have to be heard. 

And to be quite frank, it already feels like violence, hate, and anger are going to drive our future government based off of the people Trump and Pence are bringing into their circle, which brings me to my next point.

5. If something happens to Donald Trump then Mike Pence is our President.

Nothing scares me more than Donald being impeached, which is highly likely, or him deciding this wasn’t as fun as he thought it was going to be, which is also highly likely, because then Pence becomes the President of the United States.

Pence is far more dangerous because he is a real politician, he has his own greedy wants and desires that stem from Evangelicalism crazy town. I’m not claiming all Evangelicals are nuts, but Pence is. 

He doesn’t believe in climate change, he does believe in electro shock therapy to “get the gay away,” and he has proven to not champion anyone that doesn’t look like him.

To make matters worse, even if Donald doesn’t get axed or runaway, he’s already said that he wants Pence to be his “CEO/COO,” which in Donald terms, means he'd be the most involved and powerful VP in history. This statement alone exemplifies how little Donald knows, wants to learn, or cares when it comes to the gravity of this entire ordeal.

6. This isn’t about politics, this is about humanity.

I’ve seen a number of discussions centered around this idea, and this is something that speaks to me so personally.

I’ve always said in relationships, which is what this is, a relationship between the government and the people, there’s either two winners, or two losers, and right now we are about to have two losers.

Many of the people, who voted for Trump will without a doubt, in time, see that he lied. Donald is a showman, he will do whatever he has to get where he wants to get, so he said what many of you wanted to hear.

I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but he isn’t going to bring factories and jobs back from foreign countries. He isn’t going to protect your medicare, and he sure as hell isn’t going to protect your money. Donald and his constituents will not deliver to anyone, except a very small number of people.

I want to live in a world where we all win, and as idealistic as that sounds, it’s possible.

Yes, we need to unite, but we need to unite under a government that will fight for humanity, not big business, greed, and money.

Say what you want about Hillary, but if somehow this does all turn around, you know she would have to honor everything she's ever said because of what it took to get her into that position. 

7.  We need to focus on the present.

Too many people want to say we should’ve worked harder to get Bernie in, or that we need to just follow suit with whats always happened, accept this, and look to the future, or blame X, Y, and Z.

Why?

This is unproductive, and what this really says is, “Give up.”

Giving into something that you know morally to be completely wrong, is just as bad as acting like all the racists, bigots, and misogynists that are excited to watch many peoples’ lives change for the worse.

Additionally, what if that future doesn’t ever come because we allowed this to actually go through without even trying to fight it.

By using the argument that nothing has happened yet, is like saying, “well we aren’t morbidly obese yet, so let’s not exercise and eat poorly.”

We know that this type of behavior doesn’t work, and that to wait for a problem to get worse before dealing with it, is insane. We need to consistently be looking to solve problems before this specific problem gets worse, and that’s what this movement is all about.

Unfortunately this notion originally stems from the tobacco industry when they were looking to keep cigarettes legal as a way to make money because thats what our America is all about, making money while destroying everything.

What the present is currently showing us, is that nothing is being done in terms of building unity, and creating a safe environment for all the citizens of the United States. Donald’s lack of action, unpredictability, and egoic ways display all I need to see, to know that our present is suffering. 

We need to act now, while we still can, so that we don’t allow things to become even worse, which brings me to my final point.

8. The world is watching.

As I have engaged with numerous people from abroad, it’s beyond clear that everyone has been watching our election. The hate, fear, and disregard for the “other” that filled this election has been seen, and it’s setting the stage for many other countries to act similarly. Many people from all different countries have voiced their concerns that something similar is going to happen in their home countries, and it’s scary because these type of hateful movements are gaining steam all over.

If the US and Great Britain can have such upsets happen then it would be incredibly easy for something far worse to happen in smaller countries, or other large “superpowers.”

The Business Insider has already began reporting that Asia could be soon to follow our bad examples.

This isn't good.

9. Trump is simply unfit.

Sure, we could give the guy some time to prove us wrong. Trust me, I would love to be wrong in this scenario, but President Obama said it himself, Trump was unaware of exactly how much responsibility and work comes with being the president. 

He spewed whatever he had to, to get this far, and now he's the most clueless president ever. To add insult to a very serious injury, we're now watching racists, xenophobic, and anit-LGBT people being appointed to some of the most serious positions in the government. This does scare me, and if it doesn't bother you than I question your beliefs.

And to really put the cherry on top of this mess, Trump is now requesting the highest level of clearance for his children, who have never served in politics, and will be running his companies.

Don't let him fool you. He's not taking a salary because he knows that he will make a tremendous amount of money by screwing with our system. He has said the Supreme Court has spoken on gay marriage, but has said he will most likely overturn Roe V Wade, which the Supreme Court also already decided. Thus, his arguments are made irrelevant. The list truly goes on and on in ways that he doesn't make sense, negates himself, or just doesn't seem to care.

10. Love

You bet your ass that when I hear about another hate crime happening to someone I personally know, or to a stranger, that I get angry. I get really angry because this type of behavior, which is now considered appropriate by many, is beyond dangerous. Yes, these attitudes sat just below the surface of our country for a long time, but it's very different to think something then it is to act upon it.

However, after I comprehend what's going on, I try my damnedest to shift my anger to love. Love, or rather the acknowledgement that love exists, is what gets so many people through so many difficult times, and this is an extremely difficult time. Love is what is at the core of all religious teachings, what drives humans to look for a partner, and what makes you feel better no matter what.

Love has been lacking from a collective perspective for a long time, and now it's beyond imperative that we fight to bring the love back.

Truly it boils down to this, if you aren't spreading love then you are spreading hate. There is no in-between when it comes to love, and to say that there is, means you have not fully embraced love. 

Sure, you can argue that you aren't spreading fear, hate, negativity, or whatever word you chose, but if it isn't love then it is one of those things. It's a hard pill to swallow, but we need to be conscious of what it is that we are putting out into the universe.

Love is truly the one thing that can change the world. It's compassion, it's empathy, it's kindness, it's connection to each other's cores. It's what says, "We are one."

Yes, love is hard to feel in it's completeness when we feel so much of the opposite radiating against us, but like Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., the Buddah, the Dalai Lama, and so many other mindful and peaceful leaders before us facilitated, we too can use love to create the change we not only want, but need to see in our world..

Ultimately, I want to know I at least tried.

If nothing comes of this Electoral College thing, and we do end up with Donald Trump or Mike Pence as our president down the road, I want to be able to at least look back, and say, "I tried!"

I’ve been told many times by mentors and people I look up to that we regret the things we don’t do, not the things we do, so how will you feel if the worse does happen? Will you be ok with your current actions, or lack there of?

I don’t say this to scare you, I am honestly asking, so that you can reach into the deepest part of your core to answer these questions.

Yes, this is a huge learning lesson, and yes, it's going to take nothing short of a miracle to get Hillary Clinton into the Oval Office, but what I’ve learned is never say never. Especially when you have some of the brightest, most cunning, and creative people on your side. Sure, things could get really ugly for a while, but things are already really ugly, a lot of us just forget because we live in our own little bubbles with like-minded people all around us.

Furthermore, don't think Hillary isn't up for it, she hasn't said anything about this entire situation because she can't. She conceded because she had to. She called Donald out for saying he wouldn't concede, and if she hadn't, she would've gotten even more shit from so many people because she would've looked like a hypocrite.

We all know she's secretly loving the fact that we're still fighting for her because this was this woman's dream. She didn't just wake up one day, and go, "I'm board being on reality TV, and want more power." She has fought her whole life to make it this close.

Whether you love her, or hate her, is beyond irrelevant because she isn't looking to hang out with you anyways. What she's looking to do, is make our country the best it can be.

We’ve seen the danger, we’ve even allowed it into our system, but we the people aren’t popularly for it, which is why it doesn’t end here.

It gives me such hope to know that the popular Millennial vote, across almost every state, was for Hillary Clinton. Majority of my generation sees that we need to keep making progress. This is our world, and we're going to have to keep cleaning it up because the previous generations didn't think long term, and fight like hell when they knew things were wrong, which has brought us to a very scary reality.

Right now the world is watching us. It’s time we showed the world what real super powers look like as we unite to fix the giant mess our system has allowed for. 

Remember you must be the change you wish to see in the world, and you only get one shot at it.

We can do this, but now isn’t the time to get lazy. Join the movement, organize your own protest, get creative, and never lose sight what this is all for; an awakening of the human consciousness that speaks to the fact that we want something better than what we’ve known.

Let's do it!

If you haven't already signed the petition to have the Electoral College change their votes, you can do so by clicking here: CHANGE!

How Adulting Helped Me Find The Perfect Winter Boots

Winter is coming whether you're ready for the weather or not. You see what I did there ;) 

Partnering up with Zappos and Kamik pushed me to find my inner adult just a little bit more, and it was a welcomed challenge.

As the temperature slowly begins to drop, I'm reminded that my not so favorite season is heading our way over here on the east coast. In a move to be a more mature and ready adult, I've been trying to tick off the list of things that I'm going to need, when that inevitable harsher weather rolls around.

Winter coat, ✓. Warm pants, ✓. Sweaters, ✓. Real winter boots, NOPE.

Yes, I have some cute fall ones, but nothing thats actually made for the snow.

Thats when I headed over to Zappos, as it's become a personal favorite recently. It's the perfect one-stop-online-shop for the modern man, in finding all of the essentials. The fact that they promise fast and free shipping, a 365-day return policy, and amazing customer service doesn't hurt one bit. Especially when you're like me, and don't ever know what size shoe you need, so you have to have them send a second pair, which they did in 2 days without any cost. Thank you Zappos!

Anyways back to the boots.

As I scrolled through Zappos' boot section, I came across these awesome Kamik Yukon 6 Boots. Kamik is a Canadian brand that got stellar reviews all around, and if I'm being completely honest, there's something about them being Canadian that made me feel like they know what they're talking about when it comes to winter weather. 

And I was right.

I finally had to whip these bad boys out here in NYC, as we recently had our first taste of winter with a dark, gloomy, and rainy day. My Kamiks' kicked serious ass, as I unintentionally strolled through puddles, and intentionally jumped around in all different types of terrain to truly test out my Kamiks. 

After my 770 mile hike along the PCT, you bet your ass I test out my shoes hardcore now. There's nothing worse than hiking around in shoes that aren't right for your feet, I PROMISE you. Anddddd, while I may not be hiking in my Kamiks, I will be walking all over NYC in them, so I was beyond jazzed when my Kamiks totally passed with flying colors.

I have to admit, getting ready with some time and preparation aka "adulting," feels really good. I hate rushing and stressing, and Zappos and Kamik have taken both of those things out of my life for when Snowmagdeon 2 hits.

Now all thats left to do is wait for it to fully come. I'm not pumped for the snow, but I'm pumped to be 100% ready!

Out of curiosity, have any of you guys owned, or tried out Kamik? Thoughts? Comments? If you haven't, then you have to head over to Zappos and check out Kamik for yourself. 

Remember winter is coming whether you like it or not. #ZapposStyle #Sponsored #StepOutside

What I Think Hillary Clinton's Final Speech Should Be

I don’t know what else to say except except, WOW.

I think many of us just assumed we were going to have our forward thinking, tolerant, empathetic, loving, inclusive, and progressive attitudes displayed as the victor of this sobering election.

Sadly this wasn’t the case.

We watched our country, a great country, get painted one big red stop sign as state after state went to the opposing candidate. Yes, red seems to have become the symbolic color of this election for many reasons, but as the people have spoken, red seems to be the ultimate symbol of halting change. 

It seems so many people want to stop progress from happening, and this was made beyond evident by the way our country voted. America, the country that ranks first internationally for confidence, but doesn’t even make it into the top 30 for science and math. 

Should we be surprised that the majority of our population wants to stop people from having basic human rights?

Should we be shocked that “Americans,” want the “American Family” to be a white heteronormative group compromised of the WASPs?

Should we be befuddled that our country seems to think the government should control our bodies, how we use them, who we use them with, and whether or not we are allowed to, or should be forced to have a baby? 

Should we be dumbfounded that over-privileged-white males thought it was cool to gay bash, sexually violate women, and physically harm anyone that was different than them?

Should we be confused that Latinos, Jews, gays, people of color, immigrants, Muslims, and women were all considered a problem?

To be honest, I don’t think we should be so surprised. Yes, my quest for love and positivity pushed me to want more, and to think more highly or our country and its citizens, but the truth is we’re at a collective low. 

We fought hard to go high, and we shall continue to do so, but right now our country has been taken down many notches by people that like to hit below the belt.

We’ve forgotten to take care of our souls, and in doing so, our country’s collective soul, and this is what happens. 

We have become so obsessed with quick, fast, cheap, and easy that we overlooked the real damage being done. The long term effects felt so far away, but here we stand, staring face to face with those long term effects, or rather one large affect. 

We no longer can talk about the day to come when climate change is going to ruin us, that war is ahead of us, and that a superpower will begin to decline because it is our present circumstance. No longer can we look at movies like the Hunger Games and Divergent as futuristic fantasy. This is now the reality we head towards.

Our political arena this season became a form of entertainment, and we forget to truly educate the masses. Yes, we tried, but obviously didn’t try hard enough. We allowed Trump's lies to be spewed across media outlets as if they were facts to create a “fair” Democracy, but what we really allowed was a Democrazy, and those lies became peoples’ truths. Those truths became peoples' votes. Those votes became this harsh reality.

To be frank, the end is here. Not the physical, apocalyptic end, but an end of what we knew America to be, and that’s what a lot of people wanted. They voted, they got it, and now we shall see where this takes us.

We have allowed a a fake, a phony, a fraud reality TV star into the most coveted house and position in America. Someone whose own family is the thing he preaches against, is very likely going to be our Commander in Chief. A foreign First Lady, a collection of family members that don’t hold respect for others, and a man, whose ego truly trumps no others will be the family that represents us the US, to the world. 

It’s ironic, it’s poetic, it’s simply sad.

I truly hope we all take this day to reflect. To think about how we can actually make change, how we can actually use our voices, and how we can keep the progress moving while we have someone fighting to stop it.

We need to stop looking outward, we need to stop blaming others, we simply need to STOP, and have one long day of silence.

September 21st was the international day of peace, and here in NY, nothing was officially organized for it. I think that speaks to what’s lacking amongst all of us. We have a parade to celebrate our pride for so many different attributes that set us apart from one another, yet not one for a mindful union of unity. I think more than ever it’s apparent that it’s time for things to change. 

Business shouldn’t go on as usual because this is completely unusual, and we shouldn’t act as if nothing has happened because something historic has happened. 

It’s not just here in America, it’s happening all over the world, and it’s time we started to look at countries like Sweden and Norway that have their shit together. I know there populations are much smaller, and everyone wants to make it out like they are some anomaly, but if we stopped looking at them like that, then maybe, just maybe, we would all start to get it right. 

I want to educate the masses, so they can truly understand what their futures could be like.

I want to expose all of America to different cultures, so they can see the beauty that is added with diversity.

I want to show our country that no one wants to take away your ideas, we just want to expand on them in a constructive way that helps us find a collective ideal.

Right now the dust has not settled, and a lot of us are feeling like all hope is gone, but it isn’t, and if you think it is, then you’re letting them win.

We must take this sobering situation, and let it marinate into ever ounce of our beings, so that we never forget how hard it was to watch love be stomped on. Like a bad break up, it will take time to heal these deep wounds, and to restore faith in the idea that love will find us again, but till then look for beauty in the small things, fight with all of your creativity to strengthen your inclusive beliefs, and never let anyone take away your own love for what you know to be humanly right.

I said I wouldn't quit, and I meant it, so lets keep this momentum rolling.

I thank you all for your support, and remember, love will continue to trump hate. 

3 Perfect Gifts For The Man In Your Life

A man's accessories should be understated and timeless, just like my beloved NYC.

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I'm constantly feeling inspired by New York City as I walk through the bustling streets, and I thought I'd take the same inspiration, and translate it into a gifting guide. 

Before we know it the holidays will be here. I know, CRAZY!

With that thought in mind, I wanted to put together some early gifting ideas, so that you aren't left scattering at the last minute.

Shopping for men can be hard, and I personally have been on the receiving end of some pretty bad gifts, but Coach and Zappos have made it a whole lot easier when it comes to finding that perfect gift for the perfect guy. To make gifting even more amazing, none of these gorgeous accessories will break the bank, and whether you're looking to spend a decent amount, or not a ton, you'll still have options.

1. The Crossgrain Hudson Backpack, which comes in this amazing dark caramel color or black, is a little more pricey, but will definitely bring a smile to that special guy. It's a proper investment piece, and something your man can feel great about whether he's heading to the office, or running around on the weekends. 

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2. The Sport Calf Card Case is a great option for the guy in your life who loves sleek and sophisticated. Whether it's to hold business cards, or money the Sport Calf Card Case, can serve a few purposes and also comes in a range of colors. Truly a perfect gift for under $100.

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3. The Rip and Repair Card Case Set is definitely a trendier option, but any man would be happy to be on the receiving end of this super cool and innovative card case. Another great option for under $100, and a fresh take on a more conservative type of accessory. 

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Coach has truly delivered with these fall colors, gorgeous materials, and understated accessories.

And while Coach is keeping the style game on par, Zappos.com makes it easier and easier to make sure you're getting the goods. Amazing customer service, the best prices, and a user-friendly site truly make Zappos.com a gamer changer when online shopping.

To check out all the style you see click here: Zappos.

Smell My Armpits!

That's right, I'm talking about armpits, and why we should let them smell.

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First, let me share a fact with you. According to breastcancer.org, "About 1 in 8 U.S. women (about 12%) will develop invasive breast cancer over the course of her lifetime. In 2016, an estimated 246,660 new cases of invasive breast cancer are expected to be diagnosed in women in the U.S., along with 61,00 new cases of non-invasive breast cancer." Additionally about 1 in 1,000 men in 2016 will be diagnosed with invasive breast cancer.

This isn't just something women have to worry about anymore.

AND that's just breast cancer.

Now let's talk about deodorant. Yes, you heard me right, deodorant. Are you completely confused?

I know the two may seem totally irrelevant when talking about each other, but the thing is they aren't, and it's fucking scary to think so many people we care about casually use these products everyday. 

To be honest a lot of the beauty products we use today from hair gels, to lotions, to makeup contain high amounts of parabens, and other highly toxic chemicals that are 100% proven to cause serious diseases, cancers, and illnesses.

I know we're a consumer society that wants cheap and easy, but cheap and easy haven't served us well. Our environment and bodies are now reaping the damages.

And if I told you that the National Cancer Institute has said, "Aluminum-based compounds are used as the active ingredient in antiperspirants," and research suggests that these compounds, "which are applied frequently and left on the skin near the breast, may be absorbed by the skin and cause estorgen-like effects," which "has the ability to promote the growth of breast cancer cells." 

Sooooooooo, some scientists have suggested that the "aluminum-based compounds in antiperspirants may contribute to the development of breast cancer," would you still be putting this shit under your arms everyday?

I hope not. 

Look I'd rather live in a culture that is slightly smelly, and a whole lot less sick.

I grew up on Long Island, and breast cancer for some crazy unknown reason plagues Long Island in a highly concentrated way more than any other area in the U.S.

My mom has had to fight her own battle with cancer, and countless friends have had to deal with breast cancer in some way. It's time we told cancer to FUCK OFF, and made real changes to how we treat our body.

If something as simple as using a deodorant without aluminum and parabens can reduce the risk, even if just a little, then so be it.

I hope you feel inspired to share this article, share your story, share the facts, so that we can all do our part in ending this far-too-long fight with cancer.

If you'd like to donate, or learn more about breast cancer, in any way, then head over to http://www.breastcancer.org/ and get the facts.

This blog piece is dedicate to my own mom, Beth Pall, my beloved Tricia Fideli, and all the amazing women and men out their fighting for their lives!

*Additionally, I want to make it crystal clear that the Schmidt's deodorant I'm using in the picture above isn't paying me in any way to promote it. It's simply a product I finally found that actually fights against odor, smells good, and is free of aluminum, propylene glycol, parabens, and phthalates. it's also gluten-free, certified vegan, and cruelty-free.