Your Ex

The one who was supposed to be the one.

You’ve stopped fixating on it, on the relationship, on them. You’ve lost your crazy, your sad, your mad.

You moved on.

Then out of nowhere, he is there, standing before you. Accidentally, coincidentally, by chance. You have a quick minute when you freeze. Your body and mind unsure how to react. Composure regained. You move through the motions.

Nothing ever prepares you for the first time you run into your ex, your past love, your supposed to be future.

All at once, feelings come rushing back to you. You feel weird, unsure, confused. You know this person isn’t right for you. You know that it’s a level of known comfort that is contorting your brain.

Yet, this person who made you feel every emotion under the sun will always hold a piece of your heart. A sliver of you. 

I ran into the person who changed my life last night. It was so unexpected and strange. There he was, the man who showed me the meaning of love. It was in many ways nice to see him, but in many ways it would have been nicer not to have seen him.

I have, through the graces of time, moved on and moved forward. Yet, to see him was a reminder of what we once had, and that was what was sad for me. A real, true, big love that died.

He will forever be my first of many things including love, so for that, and as hard as it may be to see him, I welcome his presence.

It was an interesting reminder, at an interesting time. A blast from the past. A look back in memories. A caveat to move forwards.

I am in a different place in my life. He is as well. We both have changed. The relationship is no more, but I refuse to be the person who looks back with anything by gracious love and honor. So for that I walked up to him, gave him a hug, asked him how he was and with a bittersweet memory continued on. 

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Posted on April 8, 2014 .