The Next Best Thing


Why is it that we don’t want to be happy?

In today’s super impersonal world of dating we struggle to make real connections. Connections that create more than a like, a poke, a follow. We search, stalk and swipe through countless people basing all of our judgments off of extremely superficial entities.

We’ve decided we are attracted to, but already over someone because of something we read, saw through a screen or inferred based off of a profile.

The truth is all of this is damaging our authenticity and thought process.

Within the past few days, I have had multiple friends open up to me about the people they are dating. Its been the same confession, they like these guys, but don’t feel that it is genuinely a good fit because of “aesthetic reasons,” a deeper lust, or primal sexual desires are not as intense.

I understand that these feelings are valid anxieties, especially in the beginning of a relationship. However, the truth is, these friends have also been looking elsewhere. They’ve allowed other perspective people to cloud their judgment of really amazing guys, who they were beyond excited about in the beginning. They’ve kept their dating apps open, thus keeping their dating options open. A seeming harmless occurrence, but with endless destructive power.

These apps, which I have spoken about before, create an endless world of hotties, who curate themselves to be “exactly what you are looking for.” It is not even just the dating apps anymore; even instagram and facebook act as a log of potential suitors. We see an infinite pool of people we are physically attracted to on the daily.

These sexy 2D people are just that though, a flat version of what they want to put out. They vacation in exotic places. They hang out with desirable people. They eat the finest of foods. They live in the most luxurious homes. They appear as if they are the fairytale waiting for you to join them, and they very well could be. However, I would wager these images of perfection are not your dreams come to true.

Here is something I want all of you to remember as you swim through this endless abyss.

There will be a million guys, who are hot, and there will be a million after you get each one. It’s an endless cycle that if you really want a relationship, you have to decide to stop because it will be forever.

I get it. We all meet guys that for all intensive purposes are not our types, but when you meet the one guy, who is so good to you that your heart cannot help, but to have so much emotion for him, you do not deny that. When this guy, who may not be the hottest, is sweet, kind, smart and has a good job, and who likes YOU and is nice to YOU, you hold onto him. These qualities are the things that are important when you have a family one-day. These are the things you remember, when you think about how you will one-day have to look at someone with the idea of forever in mind because we will all be old one-day.

If you are lucky enough to meet one of these rare guys, understand that they do not come around often.

You have to hold onto them because if you don’t, someone else will see how amazing their soul is, and you will look back and say what if.

Do not be stupid and fall for someone purely because he is hot. Be stupid and fall for the guy that likes YOU, and treats YOU amazing. This guy doesn’t play games because when he sees you happy, he is happy.

He is the one that will be there for you when things get rough. He is the one that will be there for you, when the unfortunate and inevitable day comes that you loose a parent. He is the one that will be there for you on a lazy Sunday. He is the one that will call you, not text you because he just wanted to hear your annoying voice.

Be smarter than the rest. See where your relationship goes with this guy. Give him parts of you, you are scared to give to anyone. He will do the same. You will realize that as time moves on he will be the hottest man, not boy, you have ever seen. Your attraction will build in a mature way, and you will find sex only gets better because it’s love that you have built a foundation on, not lust, which always dies.

There will always be another guy to talk to, but that’s the thing, its just talking. There is no love. No emotions. No substance. You can be jealous that other friends might have sex with some hot guy, but that friend will eventually be jealous of you, when you’ve built a life with someone, not just a continuous emptiness.

Do bot be fooled. Fairytales exist, but not the way the movies make them out to be. All those actors that you base these ideas off of, play roles on screen that muddy our judgments because in real life, they all end up divorced and alone.

Make your own fairytale, and let Hollywood cast movie stars to play you in the movie adaptation of your own real amazing life.

Be crazy. Be wild. Be everything, and go for the good guy, who might not be a ten in your book because he will treat you like a ten forever. If you are smart enough to hold onto this guy, he will be the twelve that you never even knew existed.

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Date wise, and may the odds be forever in your favor.

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Posted on August 13, 2014 .