YOU'RE THE PICKER

Do you even remember what it feels like to like someone?

Like really like someone.

You know that feeling when your heart starts to race, you have butterflies dancing out of control in your stomach, and you get lost in someone’s eyes.

As dating has gone viral, it feels like we’ve forgotten what it’s like to fall for someone because we’re too busy hoping that someone will like us.

NEWSFLASH: You’re the picker!

That’s right, you get to pick who you end up with.

Sure, just because you like someone doesn’t mean they’re going to like you, but if for some reason that idiot can’t see how amazing you are, why would you ever chase after him?

He’s an idiot. He’s not the man of your dreams. Let him go.

We often get hung up on the people that don’t want us because it’s the ultimate bruise to our ego when someone else tells us we aren’t good enough for their own selfish needs.

Take that in for a moment.

You, who are amazing, smart, funny, and beautiful, are “not good enough” for Joe Schmo because he thinks he can do better, isn’t ready for a relationship, or whatever else the excuse is.

Now take a second and really think.

Is this truly the person you want to end up with? Would you tell your friends to go chase after him?

Fuck no you wouldn’t, so why let yourself?

Because it’s different? Because there were good times? Because at his core that isn’t who he is?

Wrong.

He just showed you, told you, and proved to you, who he genuinely is.

And for all the good times, it’s important to remember that it’s the lows in relationships, which prove to us, who our partners really are.

If someone isn’t willing to fight for it, have open communication, and do everything they can to make it work, then they don’t deserve your heart.

When it comes to being rejected it’s almost comical, yet we take it beyond personal because we started to imagine a future.

Here’s the thing though, the more we allow these interactions to become personal the more we allow someone else to determine our worth, and this is where the danger lies.

Self-respect is not only key to a healthy and happy life, it’s vital to finding your equal because as long as someone else determines your worth, you're never worthy of finding your equal.

We’ve all fallen for someone: who we thought was our equal, who appeared to have their shit together, and who made life, simply put, better.

However, if you’re not currently with said individual, those things simply weren’t true.

We may romanticize them, and continue to believe that was our real shot at love, but why sit in those feelings? Why not honor yourself? Why not look at all the other amazing things in your life, and feel special, lucky, loved?

We're taught from a very early age that we need to find a partner, someone to grow old with, someone to have children with, someone to take care of us when we get sick. We play games like house. Pretend to get married. Fantasize about our wedding days, but why?

So that if none of this happens you’re the broken one?

What’s broken here is the system in which we are feed a bunch of outdated ideas.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of the biggest fans of love, and still hold steadfast to the idea that I will one day find my lobster, my penguin, my partner.

However, what I’ve learned is that it’s ok if all these little pieces don’t happen, or in the order they’re “supposed” to happen.

You may fall in love. You may fall out of love. You may have a child. You may decide you don’t want children. You may get married three times, or not once. You may do all of these things.

And what all of those things add up to, is life.

Life is messy, complicated, and happens in an infinite number of ways, so why should there be a standard idea of happiness?

You may be reading this thinking, well fuck, I’ve never been in love, no one has ever been in love with me, or I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend.

To this I say, it’s okay!

There'll come the day when you least expect it, because that truly is when it happens, when someone you may know, or have never met before shows you what it feels like to forget about all that other crap, all the other people you spent valuable time bumming over, and all those ridiculously untrue thoughts you had about yourself.

However, until that day does come, work on you.

Work on being so amazingly happy with yourself that no one could ever take that feeling away. Yes, they will be able to add to it, but never be what ignites your soul.

Love comes in many forms: the kiss of some sun on a cold day, the unexpected call from a best friend far away, snuggling up in your freshly cleaned sheets, and yes, one day, waking up to someone just smiling at you because they can’t believe how lucky they are that you picked them!

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Posted on October 20, 2015 .