I love you, I know we're both sorry.
As a new moon commences, a new beginning presents itself. Changing with the tides, my Piscean essence has taken on a new look, a new chapter, and a new peace.
I have truly found my calm, my Zen, my now.
While transformation is necessary to one’s own survival, the transformation of one’s heart is possibly the hardest thing to accomplish. This becomes all the more difficult as you say goodbye to a love that has been present for a truly transformative year.
It’s over. It’s done. You tried.
Hate doesn’t drive the divide, and nothing but love and respect continue to be how the love will be honored because that is how it should be. However, as logic and feeling would have it, ending anything, especially in a world where we are taught to want more and more, is possibly the hardest thing anyone will ever have to do.
To calmly and rationally look at the person you love in the eyes, and say, “I love you,” but to know the actual relationship has died stabs your heart in the deepest of ways. To see the love flow through their tears, yet not be as strong as it once was, kills a part of you that you know one day will be ok, but right now is not, and overtime will take a lot of soothing and healing to revive.
Being kind you put everything out on the table, but slowly as the conversation deepens, and a gray area can’t be left, you know that you have to do the hardest and most mature thing possible, and say goodbye.
Goodbye to the thought of your future, of your children, of your family, and of all the areas of your lives that could have been intertwined in the most human and beautiful ways.
It’s hard; it’s really fucking hard, but you have to.
Yes, you clicked. You loved each other. You wanted the same things.
But it just isn’t enough.
It isn’t that you aren’t enough, or that they aren’t enough, it just, as unfairly as it may seem, is that your union isn’t enough.
And as hard, and sad, and confusing as it is, it’s ok.
It may not be ok now, or tomorrow, or in a year, but one day it will be ok. I promise.
I ‘m sure of this.
I know this for fact because you’ve been here before. You’ve felt the loss of your best friend, your love, your partner, and you survived.
You, you resilient, strong, and beautiful human being found your way out of the gray confusing abyss, where you questioned everything, to find a new, stronger, more resilient, and even more beautiful version of yourself.
Yes, days will be so incredibly hard, and you’ll miss the kisses that connected you, the embraces that comforted you, and even the things you found so incredibly annoying because you grew to love someone. You let your guard down, you let your freak flag fly in front of someone else, and you found yourself loving someone else in a way you didn’t even know you could do.
Think about that for a minute. You, who thought this would never happen (again), found someone (again) to share so many special memories with, and that’s an exceptionally stunning thing.
Stop. Take that in for a moment, bask in that loveliness, and realize you were gifted something incredible, love.
While it may be over, and that is beyond difficult to comprehend at moments, you still got to experience love, and for that you truly are lucky. People will go their whole lives searching for this, and you got to find it, experience it, and have a solid amount of time with it.
Sure, it may not have been forever, but nothing lasts forever, and if you can shift your perspective to understand this grand finale was your heart’s first step to healing then you’re in a noble place.
Let your sorrow become a symphony. Let your gloom become glory. Let your heartbreak become your heart healing. Magic was there in the relationship, but your magic will be forever present with you, you just have to know where to find it.
And more than anything remember to honor this love for the goodness it brought because ultimately that is how you will honor yourself.
Love is fickle. Love is complicated. Love is kind. Love is confusing. Love is frustrating. Love is simple. Simply put, love is everything,
Know if you are open to it, love will find you again, so all that’s left to do is pick yourself up, and keep hiking forwards because all you’re looking for is somewhere ahead.