How Quickly Can You Tell Someone You Love Them?

Is it ever really the right time to tell someone you love them for the first time?

I’ve first told someone I loved them after we broke up. I wanted them to know that it wasn’t an easy decision and that I thought they were an amazing person.

I’ve told someone I loved them for the first time drunk on a phone call. I did’t remember I spoke those three famous words until we sat down for our first date after that infamous call.

I’ve told someone I loved them after they told me they loved me for the first time while we were just hanging out.

As a romantic it’s hard to know when you’re truly ready to tell someone you love them because you can get lost in the magic. As a romantic you most likely get swept up in the electrical impulses that are fired off in your brain, and if you are like me, get high on love. It’s intoxicating. 

Then comes the reality that the way you feel may not be the way they feel. Sometimes you get clues, hints, or some other indicator that the person you love may in fact love you back, but sometimes you seriously just can’t tell.

Ultimately telling someone you love them shouldn’t be a scary thing. By telling someone you love them you are simply spreading love. You have the opportunity to make someone else feel loved regardless of if they love you back. Yes, in a “perfect” situation the person you confess your love to reciprocates your love and says it back. 

However, telling someone you love them is in many ways a personal experience. Sharing this piece of yourself means you have shed your walls and barriers. It means that you have leaned into venerability and are willing to stand emotionally naked in front of someone else. This is a beautiful thing and you should walk into this experience with that thought in mind.

I mean Marvin Gaye said it best, “how sweet it is to be loved by you.”

While I love love, and think we all need to say this more often to our loved ones. I’m also aware of the world we live in today. Today we treat love as a cheap commodity where people throw around the word as if it was just some fast food meal. We live in a digital-all-you-can-eat-never-sleep-don’t-stop-moving-till-you-die world, thus we have become impatient with almost everything. So then how could this not hold true for love in the modern world? 

We don’t allow love time to marinate and settle anymore. We forget that we need to give space and time so that our love can continue to grow. Especially if we are looking to find one partner as we live longer and longer.

Waiting to tell someone you love them, and having that secret live inside of you can be just as exciting as saying it till you are 100% ready. In the English language we lack words to express the amount that we care for someone, and thus love becomes an easy go to. It’s ok to know you care deeply for someone, but not be ready to use the L word. 

Ultimately you have to decide how you want to live your life. Personally, I’ve learned to trust the algorithms in my mind that process my feelings and connect my head and my heart. Acting on not just gut impulses, but strong senses of why I feel the way I feel have led me to live with no regrets, and look back on even hard situations with love and the understanding that lessons have been learnt.

Telling someone you love them is exciting, powerful, and impactful, but ultimately it is a test of self. There will never be the perfect time to tell someone you love them. In your heart you already know these feelings exist, which is part of the magic when it comes to love. Life is truly too short to let these beautiful moments pass us by, so let go of the fear you may feel, and if nothing else let that love swim through your own soul. 

And if you were looking for me to tell you when that perfect moment is because you are in love, know it was never for me to give, and you already know.

Posted on December 19, 2018 .